I tried my best not to acknowledge any ill feelings on my thoughts; but, it is true at some point in life you will realize it has been that long time since you have been holding it in. I never wanted to call it depression nor anxiety because I did not want to be branded/labelled as someone who feels like my problems in life are just made up in order for me to belong to what is currently and highly talked about societal concerns.
I never wanted to be branded as “sabay sa uso” or so “joining the bandwagon.” It’s never my choice to feel like this, it was never my point in life to have such feeling. I thought I was just overthinking or I was just overreacting but I did not even notice that I was actually having some severe anxiety/panic attack.
These mental states are actually factors that could greatly affect my mental well-being. I thought I just have some wild messy thoughts. I thought I was just overacting. I was wrong.
Thinking about the past, I have always struggled in life. I never thought it was that serious, it was never an issue; I try to deal with it personally. I thought it was supposed to help me grow up, mature and learn; apparently, those things are actually factors of how I manage and think nowadays.
I have this strong and brave facade but nobody knows what I truly feel. Nobody knows how painful and how much I am struggling inside. Nobody knows how much pain I go through. I guess I was not clinical diagnose therefore I should not act this way nor I should have the right to claim these things I am experiencing is even close to depression or some sort of mental issue.
BAKA KASI OA KA LANG. IT’S ALL IN THE MIND NGA DAW DIBA. SO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT LANG. DO NOT OVERTHINK LANG.
WHAT CAN I DO? What if I am not like you?
What if I cannot stop overthinking nor I cannot control what goes on my mind. How can I manage this?
THESE ARE LEGIT ANXIETIES. And no matter how much I try to fight it, it’s just there…
I am really not sure how to deal with it. Before, I try to brush it off, cry about it, worry about it for days and ruin my days as always. Should I continue just doing it as is?
Should I ignore it and let it be like I used to? As long as it does not bother me on a daily basis? Even though it does and of course I deny it, I try to ignore it but the truth is I could not.
HELP. This is not fun.
And when you try to open up on things you will be branded as overacting – “nag-iinarte”
It’s bad for you, so stop. Like I could stop it? Like I could fully control it, I wish I could. Because if I could, there will be no writings like this.